Thursday, March 17, 2011

Brave Mothers who Walk into Walls

Springtime in Dorset









I am weary. . . But I keep trying. There are so many things preventing me from things I need to do. . .  I managed to save some money, but a major expense came along and took it all away. . .  I wanted to attend our weekly church meeting last night but we didn't have the gas money.  I am trying to teach my children school lessons, morality, the Bible and basic life skills, but it does not always sink in. . . I trudge on. . .

I tried to make a special dinner one night, but fell asleep and it burned. . . I am exhausted. . .  I wanted to deep clean the house and yet my strength was fading so I only cleaned one little thing. Only one thing in my house shines and is sanitized. I must get up earlier in the morning and exercise to get energy, so I can accomplish the basics of homemaking. But the time change has stolen my bearings.

Mr. White has been grumpy lately, stressed, hurting. .  difficult to bear. . I am responding meekly and quietly and assisting him in any way possible to keep him calm. . But this is the anniversary of his precious Mother's death and I must understand. I must be quiet. I let it all hit me without recourse. Then I get in the car to go to church on Sunday morning and I start thinking about his pain, remembering the exact moment he was told that his mother had died, and I clearly saw the look of abandoned sorrow on his face and I could not compose myself. . the tears fell. I could not stop them.  I begged Amy (16) to tell me something funny so I could walk into church cheerful and not alarm anyone. I could not tell her why. I could not talk about it. It will get better soon. He will get better soon.  The pain will lessen.

I keep getting bruised. . . and I keep walking into walls. The other day I was cleaning and cooking and helping the children and I walked into an open door. I knew I had to stop. I had to take a break. The next day, I drove right past the familiar turn I needed to take and the children told me. They expected it. Now they remind me when to turn.  I trip when I get out of the car. . . I walked into the wall yesterday. I have bruises and pain but I keep going.

This is all life. . . We will have bruises and roadblocks and pain. . . We need brave mothers who will keep going. We need them to be strong and courageous and not give up despite the weariness. And even if I fall down the stairs (which I often do) I will still get up, and limp, and continue my work.

Blessings
Mrs. White


Memories from my Childhood - Saturday Morning Chores.

A Little Fun - Living with Nana and Grandpa.

A summer visit, my cancer, and how poor we were in the old days - Trials and Laughter.


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18 comments:

Michelle said...

How I want to hug you, my fellow bruised, warrior mom!

Gae said...

Dear Mrs White,
this is one of the reasons I think blogging can be beneficial to us. We can encourage one another as we go throught the trials of life. We fellow wives and mothers following God's call in our lives.
I pray that you lean on him for all you need.
How I understand where you are coming from. Just yesterday we were hit with a huge, read HUGE financial problem we were not expecting.
I love reading your posts each week but have not commented lately, just struggling for time and energy myself amongst the other issues we are encountering too.
But I rejoice that we can in our own way be examples of Godly women. Continue to soldier on for Christ
Blessings
Gae

beckyson25 said...

I have been through the season you are in and I'm sure I'll be there again. Lifting you up in prayer, my sister in Christ. He is the only one who has been able to help me when I have been there.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

Tracy Brumfield said...

I am sorry for your time of stuggel. I have been there and yes it hurts. But with God we will make it thought it.

The Lord has blessed me with wonderful blogs to follow such as yours this. These post come at the right time and place.

Sara said...

"If one part suffers, every part suffers with it..." I Corinthians 12:26.

We have not met, but we're sisters in the Lord, and I will be praying for you in these difficult times.

Debbie said...

Thanks for sharing again with us and being honest. It really is refreshing. I totally know how you feel. We just passed a year of my husband being unemployed.

My father died when I was only 14 years old and I remember well the moment I knew he was gone. I still miss him. His will be the second face I want to see when I get to heaven!!!

I, too, have really been affected by the time change this year. I cannot get myself to bed on time which means I struggle with getting up in the morning. When we don't get up early the school day seems to take even longer... I hate still sitting at the table at dinner time... finishing school.

Today I got up early and we are doing well. Today is a good day and hopefully I will be so tired that I can get myself to bed on time tonight.

Love and hugs, Debbie

Anonymous said...

My prayers are with you, Mrs. White, in this difficult time.
God bless, Kathy in Illinois

Anonymous said...

Strange as it may seem, I needed to hear this today.

Thank you, dear sister in Christ.

Deanna said...

hugs....saying a prayer.

I soaked in the tub yesterday and had some quiet time as I soaked. I prayed away. It helped lift my spirits.

d

The Momma Chronicles said...

Praying for you, sweet lady.

Kristina said...

It definitely sounds like you need a hug! I hope everything gets better soon, it's so easy to let stress take over our lives.

I'm a new follower from the Thirsty Thursday blog hop. I'm looking forward to reading more of your posts. You can follow me back at www.cobbled-stone.blogspot.com!

~Kristina

Anonymous said...

I had to respond to let you know that thoughts and prayers are with you. God will lead you through. You are an inspiration to me in so many ways. Know that what you say and do does affect others in a positive manner. May tomorrow be a better day.

Laura of Harvest Lane said...

Oh Dearie, i just want to reach through the computer screen and give you a big old hug from Jesus.

I can identify with much of what you said. My husband is making less than minimum wage right now and working in another town to do it.

I'm really concerned about you walking into things and such. You seriously have to find some time to rest. It sounds like you need some deep rest instead of more exercise right now.

I've run myself down before and it is very hard to recover. Stop now while you can dear one. Your children are old enough. Just call a teacher conference day and send them off with the work they can do themselves or have them read.

I know you want to take care of your husband and family. Take care of yourself so that you can, please.

"Lord God, I do pray that you will cause deep rest when Mrs. White sleeps. I pray that you will step in and rejuvinate her body in a way that only you can. I pray that you will give her perfect peace that only you can give. I pray that you will help her husband meet the family's financial needs and that you'll meet the rest. Bless her husband and give him peace and patience. I ask it in Jesus' name, Amen."

God bless you Dearie,

Laura Lane

Linda said...

Mrs. White, I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. You do sound exhausted both physically and mentally. You must get some rest, both for yourself and your family. You are in my prayers!
Linda

Our Life and Journey! said...

Sending prayers for your family thru this time.I am encouraged by your determination and perseverence to press on.You truly are a brave mother and you encourage us to be the same.Thank You!
Galatians 6:9~"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.'

Blessings,

Racheal

proverbs31heart said...

I hadn't read this post until just now, Mrs. White, and it is spoken from your heart to mine. Thank you so much for being so real. God bless you and keep on keepin' on!

All My Love,
~Rebecca

Guiding Light said...

Thank you for this post...reminds me to keep going on - courageously. Praying for you!

Anonymous said...

"We need brave mothers who will keep going..." indeed.Thank you
Dianne

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