Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The Shocks of Motherhood

Mother with Daughters in Nightgowns, Helping Younger One Take Her First Steps

Buy at

For the past few days, I have been getting paler and paler. I started to indulge in resting. I was not feeling well. I finally snapped out of it this morning and did my exercises. Then I put on my apron, listened to some music and cleaned. Miracle of miracles, I am feeling so much better!

Nicole (20) started telling me all kinds of stories. I call them "worldly stories." I actually joke with her about how "these are the kinds of things one only hears inside a police station."

But after awhile, I started to get chest pains. I turned on some gospel music. She sat and waited. I smiled. I tell her I worry about having a heart attack. I am so grateful she tells me things. I am grateful that she loves me and wants to share her life with me. I am so happy to have her around and she makes me laugh so much. She is a lot of fun. But seriously, I do get very sensitive when I hear about the "cares of this world" and all its debauchery.

We have these high expectations for our children. We want them to make us proud. But we don't have enough patience to allow them to grow up. They need to learn their lessons. They need time to make their own mistakes. But what they need most of all, is someone to guide them. Someone who will always be there whether they succeed or fail. They need a Mother who loves them enough to get through the chest pains.

Last week Nicole went to church with me. She sat next to me in service and I was so happy to have her there. She kept wanting to go outside for "just a second" to have a cigarette. But she waited and waited to make me happy. Finally, she went out once but came back very quickly. She had her cell phone in her hand. I don't know if we can ever get her to stop texting, but at least she did it discreetly.

A few days later, she even mentioned that she wanted to go to church again. She even talked to her boyfriend about going to church with him. There is just something soothing to the soul about attending services. I felt blessed. It is worth the chest pains.

Matthew (17) my beloved son (in whom I am well pleased) - smiles- is just adorable. He was trying to describe the difference between a "rap artist," a "songwriter" and what he is - a "lyricist." He has long talks with me about religion. He takes the time to calm my nerves and help bring peace in our family. There are so many things he has gone through that he will not tell me. He protects me. Yet I am still shocked by some of the music he likes. "Please turn that down." I say, holding my heart. Some of it frightens me. He smiles... and he listens. I am grateful.

Do you remember when the children were little? Their innocence was precious! They were safe and loved at home. We enjoyed them so much! Yet, when they grow up and start to "frighten" us with their goals and actions, we tend to forget about the coming shocks we should be expecting.

The chest pains will all melt away... one day... they will be replaced with tears and sorrow... while the work is being done.... until finally, we reap the harvest of godly children who have grown into precious mature adults. May it be so. . and God grant us the patience and grace to enjoy the process with humor and laughter.

Mrs. White


Beth West said...

Oh Mrs. White, I am sorry that this is so tough for you to deal with. Hugs to you dear sister.

I couldn't sleep for a long time last night partly because of a decision on education my 17 yo is making. It is a good and decent choice, made for good reasons, yet due to where we live, getting to and from school would expose her to so much potential danger and she is such a small young woman (although she imagines she's very tough).

It is so much easier when they are little and we can hold them under our wings.

Blessings and shalom to you. No chest pains today - okay? OK!


Jasmine said...

Mrs. White. I'm sorry to hear of your trouble. I get glimpes every now and then to certain things that frighten me too.

God is good, and His mercies are renewed every morning. Let us trust in Him.

Shalom, and be well in the Name of our Most High - Jehovah Rapha - our healer.


Mrs. Cucuta

Paula Rodriguez said...

It's such a special time when our children were younger... when we decided everything for them... unfortunately, they grow up and we just have to place them in the Lord's hands... Trust Him.

It's odd... I didn't realize as a young mother how precious those times were....

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and I wish you a blessed New Year.

joyce said...

Been there, done that. And have the t-shirt!

Mrs. White, you are doing a wonderful job with your children. You are a praying mother, and you are doing the best you can. Do all you can do for them, and leave the rest to God. Let go and let God.

Try not to let your worries about the children affect your health. You don't need chest pains to contend with. Life can be stressful enough without a trip to ER or meds for high blood pressure.

Your kids are trying to find themselves. They will make some decisions that you don't approve of and that you do not agree with.

Love them anyway. It will be okay. You'll see. They will come into their own one day and you won't worry so much about them.

I'll remember them in my prayers, and you too. Hugs to you.


Debbie said...

I can relate to this--it is hard when our little ones grow up and move out of our control. My older 3 are 21, 20, and 17 and I worry about what they may be tempted by out in the world and the decisions they may make. But most of my job is done and I have to trust God to take care of them.

Anonymous said...

This post is so helpful to me. Thank you and God bless you for your honesty. I am truly learning from you.

Related Posts with Thumbnails