Monday, August 12, 2013

The Other Side of Motherhood

Great Grandmother Righetti, Reading Her Bible in Her Cozy Bedroom

We live in a generation where everything seems to happen instantly. People can often make things work fast, or right away. Things are forced to happen "on time," in many cases. This takes away our patience, and even our attention span.  Sadly, over the last few decades, this has trickled down to the expectations of mothers.

We do our best to raise our children to be good, moral citizens.  We want them to produce the fruit from our years of hard work in teaching and training them.  We expect them to make the right choices and the right decisions.  This shows us their maturity and wisdom.  Yet, it isn't really about us.  It is about God's timing and God's will.

In the old days, Mothers knew to wait out the seasons and the phases.  They knew there was a point to stand back and let young ones make decisions. They knew to let the children face consequences; in order to learn the lessons and to grow and mature. 

This became very clear to me the other night.  Some of my older children came up with an idea.  I was tired and said I couldn't help.  But I was there to observe as the events unfolded. I knew what the result would be. I was excited about the lesson they were going to learn.  This time, no matter how tempted I was to interfere, or make their lives easier (thinking they had endured enough and had done enough), I backed off and let it all happen without me.  I did not give advice.  I did not take over the burden.  I had tea, went to bed early, enjoyed a quiet night, and I prayed for them.  The following morning, the results were in.  They learned the lesson!  They got the advice from the experience, instead of from my words!!  It worked!   I was delighted!

Many years ago, I read something about Mrs. John R. Rice (the wife of an evangelist and mother of six children).  She talked about her  children having meaningful work in the home.   She said chores taught them important lessons.  One day, one of her girls was very tired from a hard day at school and work.  But it was her night to wash the dishes and clean the kitchen.  Mrs. Rice was so tempted to go in there and say, "You go rest. You did enough today."  But she stayed back.  She said she wouldn't dare take away that lesson!    Her wisdom astounds me. 

Mothers, in this generation,  have spent much of our years interfering with God's lessons for our children. We have gone in there and tried to "help" or "ease" things.    This is part of control.  This is part of impatience!

When we observe the lives of godly grandmothers, we see a peaceful patience, and a knowing compassion for the young.  They don't give up easily on the youth of today!  They know there are phases, and trials, and mistakes that must happen to bring forth a mature adult.

Lately, I have seen my grown children come out of some tough years.  I have seen a "light" of maturity and peace coming from their lives and actions.  There are difficult teen years and young adult years for most (if not all) children.  But once they pass over that rugged hill and rough patch, they will emerge as an incredible blessing to their mothers.

The other side of motherhood, is from the grandmothers.  We look back over the years and see how quickly it all really happened.  We see patterns and lessons and trials.  But none of those "moments," or phases, lasted too long.   Some took hours, some months, and yes, some took years, but the children made it through.   We mothers of today, must stand back and have great patience and faith.  We must trust our prayers to reach the Master, and know that it will be okay in the end.

Mrs. White

From the Archives:

This works Beautifully - Prayers Which Cannot Be Uttered.

When it gets Difficult - Forgotten Kindness in Marriage.

The Message we let into our homes - Choose Your Propaganda.

Order My Books:

For Home-keeping Inspiration, - For The Love of Christian Homemaking

A 90 Day Bible Study, inspired by John Wesley, -  "Early Morning Revival Challenge

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Anonymous said...

We want to help, you are right. Our love for them can become a hindrance though. We are robbing them of the 'experience' of learning to think and make decisions by themselves with God in their center.

If we take that away, they will never be able to trust in HIM.

Excellent post Mrs. White. m.

Anonymous said...

Mrs. White,
Your post was beautifully said. Thank you!

Mrs. K. Davis

Jane said...

Very nicely said and a good reminder.

Mrs. B, a very peculiar person said...

This post has blessed my abundantly today.

Cindy said...

This is true. Thank you for the encouragement and reminder.

kozimom said...

Wonderfully encouraging post! This reminds me of a chapter in Little Women when Marmee let her girls see the consequences of not doing their chores!

Debbie said...

Beautifully said. What a hard lessons for we moms; to let go and give our kids the space to fly or fail.

Blessings Mrs. White!

A Million Skies

Lisa said...

Such wisdom in this post! Thank you for the reminder. :)

susie @ persimmon moon cottage said...

Thank you for this very thoughtful post. My kids are grown and out of the house. My daughter is a wife and mother. She is going to school to become an RN. My son is a Staff Sergeant in the Air Force while working toward a Masters Degree. They are very responsible adults, and still it is often very difficult to hold my tongue and let them go ahead and discover life's lessons on their own. My reasoning mind knows that experience is the best teacher, but my mothering heart just wants to make the lessons easier.

The generations just keep rolling on, one into another. I am sure my Mom had the same thoughts with me and my sister.

Anonymous said...

This is just so beautiful and WISE. God bless...