Monday, January 30, 2012

Not Happily Married

Marriage Proposal

I just did it. . . I removed the word "happily" from my profile description.  Does this mean I am not happy? Of course not! I am delighted and grateful to have Mr. White for my husband. We have been married for almost a quarter of a century. But for me to say I am "happily married" implies that we live in a fairy tale world.  Those words may very well discourage someone else. Why? Because marriage is not really about happiness.

Mr. White and I have stood together and faced suffering, trials, tears, discouragement and tragedy. We have been pruned and given up more and more of 'self' for the good of our family.  How can this be called "happy?"

Marriage is more about commitment and creating a lifelong family unit.  It is being together through all of life's difficulties.

Yet there is a somber joy. .  a contentment. . . a feeling of unbelievable gratefulness and humbleness in a long marriage. We are co-laborers in our home and life.

So for me to say we are "happily married" is superficial. It doesn't share the truth of the matter. And that is that we are gratefully married and have tremendous love and respect for each other. We do this through tears and laughter. 

The marriage story, the secret of a good marriage, is the sadness in one's eyes from the pain of life, but the deep reverence the couple has for each other.   Perhaps to say we are "luckily married" or that we are "blessed to be married" is more accurate. 

But the greatest description of all, is the comfort of knowing we will stand side-by-sidethrough every hardship, through every joy, and despite any pain. . . .  for as long as we both shall live.

Mrs. White

From the Archives -

The Emptying Nest - Are You Still Tricking Your Wife?

The Wife's Job at Home - Doing My Part.

You can Have - A Beautiful Clean House in Just 30 Days!


Lorie said...

This is a wonderfully encouraging post. You have great insight, thank you for sharing it with us. :)

Lisa said...

Beautiful way to put it and so true!

busymomof10 said...

Powerful! YOu have hit the nail on the head!

A long married life will bring just as many tears and sorrows (if not more) as joys and laughter.

Commitment is the key to success in marriage -- not expecting lifelong happiness and daily marital bliss. There will be hard times for sure!!!

Cathy said...

Mrs. White, once again you have described the way I feel better than I could have. "...we are gratefully married and have tremendous love and respect for each other. We do this through tears and laughter." Exactly. And we have grown so thankful to be loved, cared for, and comforted by eachother through it all. Great post.

@therebelchick said...

Amen to that. Only newlyweds live the fairy tale, and it doesn't last long. I agree that it is discouraging to single people when some act as though married life is perfect. It's not - but it's still worth it! :)

Anonymous said...

Love it! I am definetly "gratefully" married and also blessed to be.
That one little word can be very obnoxious and often sounds like masking or glossing over what is real within marriage.

Anonymous said...

love this! ( i had to wait to mail your gift til next paycheck , sorry)

Blair said...

Well said. So often people say, "God just wants me to be happy". Really? Where exactly does it say that in scripture? (It doesn't!) We all want our children to be happy but more importantly we want them to rely on God in every circumstance. That is what God wants too!

Shropshire Girl said...

A very eloquent post - which I have forwarded to my two daughters (20 & 22) as I couldn't put it better myself. Thank you!

Anonymous said...

I have never thought to comment on your blog before--but I LOVED this post! "Happily married" is trite. It's like saying "I'm fine" all the time, when asked how you're doing. I am going to adopt the phrase "gratefully married" into my vocabulary--it's a much more honest description of the ups and downs and all arounds of marriage. Thanks again!

Ellen, the Bluestocking Belle said...

At a time when so many marriages I know of are falling to divorce, I was so heartened to read this post. It says exactly what I know to be true but more eloquently than I could ever hope to express.