Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Getting Along in Marriage

Mother serving a turkey on a platter

Stress and trials in daily life can cause fights in marriage.  Husband and Wife may argue about money, bills, the condition of the house, or the children.  A Husband might be angry with his wife for neglecting what she is supposed to do, while a wife might be angry with her husband for his hostility or mistreatment.  All this can be avoided, or lessened, if we use the most important technique in marriage.  It is so simple, yet so difficult!

It is all about using social manners.   It is common courtesy to show emotional restraint in public.  We must avoid creating a "scene" when we are upset. We hold back our frustration and anger for the good of those around us.  When a lady acts with such control, she is considered to be dignified and admirable.

We must learn, on a daily basis, no matter how often we are tempted to act otherwise, that we must act with grace in private, just as we would in public.

For those who tend to let their anger erupt and blow off steam to those around them, they must learn, by constant practice, to get control of their emotions.  It is extremely selfish to rant and rave and insult and blame when we are upset.  We cannot allow ourselves to get so angry that we lose our dignity. We must learn good manners.

Getting along in marriage, requires the skill of polite communication, no matter the circumstances around us.   For a husband and wife to 'fight fair' they should remember a few things:

1. They will have differences of opinions and will annoy each other. Expect this. We are all human and have flaws.   Have enough compassion to let these things go.

2. Avoid fighting in front of guests or your children.  To fight in front of others is one of the most selfish things we can do.  It shows a lack of restraint.  It shows a lack of dignity.

3. Never bring up past hurts.  It will only prolong a fight and make it more extreme.

4. Remember that it is normal to be upset with others, even those we love, but we should never allow our scathing words to rend the heart.  To make it plain  - watch your mouth!  . . Guard your words!

5. Never, ever, ever talk about your spouse in a negative way to others.   Guard the privacy of your home. This is an essential part of good manners.

An example of good manners in marriage reminds me of The Waltons. The storekeeper's wife referred to her husband as "Mr. Godsey."  She only called him by his first name during private moments.  

When we wives learn how to use proper communication and emotional restraint in our daily lives, our good manners are observed by our children. They will learn from this. This will affect them for good and not evil.  Sadly, in this current "me-centered" society, it will take tremendous effort to practice proper manners in daily life. It will be an ongoing battle with our words and thoughts.  But it is worth every bit of effort! 

Remember this - a lady will use good manners even when no one else does. She will do this even if there is no reward.  She will do this because it is the right thing to do.

The joy of a happy marriage is based on a wife as the center of good morals, virtue and loveliness. This is all clearly seen by her behavior.  And it brings a light of beauty into a cold, sad world.

Mrs. White

The Stages of Child Raising with - Mother as the Coach.

Remembering when the Children were Little - A Mailbox in the House.

When Things get Very Busy - Cooking while Holding a Bible.

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Steven and Merilee Swain said...

Hi Mrs. White,

I found your blog through another website and have really enjoyed reading your thoughts on the various topics you write about.

How interesting that you wrote a post about marriage today. Today is my 15th wedding anniversary. My husband and I have always had an excellent relationship. We've had our ups and downs, yes, but I can look back on the past 15 years and know that we have generally followed the counsel you gave today. I am thinking I will take some time today to think about how I can improve my relationships with my husband and my family After all, at the end of life, that's all we can take with us--our relationships and the knowledge we accumulate during this lifetime.

Thanks for all your wise words. They give me encouragement and inspiration when I need it.


momma-lana said...

I would see this as a heart issue. You cannot behave as you should if your heart is not right and this is what is the real cause of blowing off steam. In the area of the south where we live it is considered horrible manners to behave in any other way but gracious in public but I have seen that many are gossipers or behave in other ugly ways with close friends and family and it is considered okay. If we allow ourselves to sin in our hearts and have not taken care of our sinful thinking and actions then we can never behave correctly. You would have to live in the culture that I do to really understand. My daughter went to a private women's college here in SC and many girls were told when they were dropped off for their freshman year that they could do what they wanted as long as they did not EVER embarrass their families. In our area it is considered okay to behave as rudely or as badly as you like as long as you only do so in certain situations. This is sickening as you often cannot tell who is really friendly and genuine or if they are just behaving as is expected by their upbringing and you will be rudely talked about as soon as you are out of their hearing. My late mother in law was raised this was and it bothered her all of her life I believe. She really tried to not live her life in this way but it was very deeply ingrained in her as a child. I want those who know me to know that if I am kind and gracious to their face then I am kind and gracious to them always. It is a real struggle to do so in our area. I hope this makes sense. I have a terrible time typing into this little comment field and being sure I put together cohesive thoughts!

Mrs. Mordecai said...

I like your idea #5 especially. My husband and I make a point not to speak negatively of each other to others, and it makes such a difference.

Anonymous said...

I know people who think it's actually a sign of their comfort with somebody, to feel the freedom to behave badly to that person. Behaving politely & kindly is seen as a sign of not knowing someone very well, a treatment to be reserved for strangers.

Seriously, I shake my head over this take on things. How are children supposed to learn how to develop the self-control you've mentioned here in your post, self-control which is crucial for the smooth running of society in general....& the family in particular.